When Yoga Can’t Fix Everything

yoga2

“A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.” -Aesop

We all have heard it, “Yoga is the cure-all for any and everything.” I will be the first to admit, that yoga does indeed help with a lot. It helps with stress, posture, improves cognitive function, helps with sleep, makes you aware of your body, and so on and so forth. It isn’t just the postures, but the mind set that is created while partaking in the practice. However… no one system is perfect. Every individual is different, and sometimes yoga just doesn’t cut it.

I am not bashing yoga in any way, but from my own personal experience, sometimes an hour on that mat just does not make me calm, cool, and collected. Sometimes I feel worse off after a class than I did before. I have to be aware of my body and how I feel, not let my emotions get in the way of my postures and use them as fuel to move through it, and all that breath work stirs up hidden emotions and issues I have been holding onto. Have you ever seen someone cry in the middle of class while doing certain poses? I have and I have also been that person. I have fallen apart on the mat all due to anxiety, fear, hate, pain, and sadness.

The best way to put it is I am like a glass window, people read me really well with what is going on in my head and I am not one to hide my emotions very well at all. Granted, it takes a lot for me to have a full on meltdown or cry in public, but none-the-less, my face tells all. So, what happens when the anxiety monster comes creeping in and I am trying to bang out even a few minutes of practice? Sometimes, nothing…and I can let it go. Other times, I turn into a giant mess and just curl up in a ball mid practice. I guess it is a part of life and we all have something to work on, but lately it has been awful. It is harder for me to pay attention to my body and stay focused for a full practice than it is for me to go for a long walk…so I go for a walk.

It is not that I am ignoring my practice, but actually listening to what my body needs and wants. Some days, I want to do a deep asana practice with lots of bends and folds, other days I only want to go slow and do a few easy postures, and other days I just don’t fool with it at all and just try to do something else that is good for me. Yes, the emotions are still there and I try my best to deal with them, but I do think it is rather foolish for someone to think that yoga is the ONLY thing that can help out. I have met people in the past who have scoffed at my outlook and said, “You should practice more, you aren’t serious, you’re missing something, why would you say such a thing?” Truth is, my practice might indeed be deeper than theirs for that reason, but I am not one to judge. We all have our own path in life, so I am just going to do what feels right for me and let the haters sip on that hater-aid.

So, what is your body telling you? Namaste.

Advertisements

Inner Wisdom

wisdom

“He listened yet more intently to what was within him, to the past, to see whether that voice of memory truly foretelling the future would not speak to him again, revealing the present to him as well as the past.”
― Stefan Zweig, Journey Into the Past

Meditation is hard. It’s an honest fact of life that when you try and sit still for however long, your mind will wander about and then you have to constantly remind yourself to come back to the breath and inner peace instead of following your thought patterns that you have created. There, I said it. I am human and sometimes when I sit on a cushion or I am in shavasana my mind will go in a million different directions and I am just beyond frazzled. They say that is when we need to practice the most. If you have time, then practice for 10 minutes. If you don’t have time, then practice for an hour. Or so they say…

Lately, I have taken to listening to my body and see what it really needs instead of forcing it into something. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I do need a good kick in the tush to do my meditation or yoga practice. As of right now though, looking within to what I need is helping me tremendously. Sometimes I will practice for over an hour, sometimes for 10 minutes, and sometimes I just will go with the flow of what I need and do short spurts.  Everyday is always something new and we are forever changing. Because of that, sometimes our practice needs to change and we should be more fluid.

We all need to go inside ourselves and see what we truly need to nourish our souls because the answers are never outside, but always within. Why? Because we are all connected to everyone and everything on this planet. Why do you think we have such similar DNA to chimps, dandelions, and other things? We are all made of the same stuff. We feel we should look outside of ourselves for answers, that we need guidance or approval of others.  The things is we don’t NEED it in the original sense. More so, it is a good indicator or reminder that we are on the right path so we are able to realize something within ourselves. Our egos trick us into thinking we know nothing, when in reality, we know a lot more than we give ourselves credit for. We just need to go within.

So, instead of beating yourself up because your meditation practice, yoga practice, or whatnot is not how it normally is, just relax. ask your body what it needs and you’ll be able to figure it out and better practice being present. Namaste.

Creating Space

creating space

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built.”-Rumi

Hello all, I have returned. I took a hiatus from blogging for a bit to recollect my thoughts and get in touch with a few of my emotions I have needed to work on. Sometimes that is all we can do is allow ourselves to have space. We often try to either A) attack whatever our issues are head on without understanding them first, B) ignore said issues and hope they just magically disappear or fix themselves, C) blame our issues on others or try and shove them off onto other people, or D) a mixture of all three and then become extremely confused and/ or angry. I would have to say I was doing all three depending on what it was.

Breaking patterns is never easy. Understanding thought tunnels, triggers, and patterns you have created within yourself is sometimes difficult, but it does not need to be painful. With my shift that I have had this year and all the new things I have done to start this new journey, I have encountered a TON of things I had thought I had dealt with. That is where I discovered that I had done “All of the above”. The self-depreciating monster has decided to show its  ugly head in waves and I have let fear, anger, and sadness take root in things that have nothing to do with reality. This has been going on for awhile and well…I’m working on it.

Also with those discoveries, I have become more spiritual because I am starting to unravel this cocoon of fear and chaos that I have created for myself. We are all responsible for our own issues, how we deal with them, create them, and end them. So, I am  taking responsibility for those things and moving forward. No more shoving them off on other people. No more blaming others for my problems. No more ignoring them. I will sit, contemplate, and then take a course of action and allow myself to feel and be loved. I do deserve this, its just sometimes you need someone to remind you of that.

So, to help out with this I have come up with a game plan. I’ll spell it out over the next couple of blog posts with points I am working on. Yes, Blogging on the regular is one of those points as well as yoga, meditation and some fasting/cleansing. It will all work out in the end. For now though I will continue my day of hibernating and work on my game plan. Namaste. 

Past Lives

Narasimha

 

One who knows that the position reached by the means of analytical study can also be attained by devotional service, and who therefor sees analytical study and devotional service to be on the same level, sees things as they are. — (5:5) Bhagavad Gita

Cleanses make you do funny things, like look back at all your past lives and go, “Ok, what should I learn from this experience?” or even just your past from this life and ask the very same question. It has been a bit rocky, to say the least. Having all this anger and fear come up, trying to let go of things that I NEVER had control of in the first place, disassociating feelings with situations going on now that I saw in the past, and the list goes on and on and on…

Well I am going to tell you about one of my past lives that I feel is a bit important especially now. Since I was very little, I had reoccurring dreams about being a man. I didn’t speak English and it sounded very similar to Hindi, but I was able to understand everything. I would talk to groups of people and they would listen to me and ask me questions about life. I remember practicing yoga and waking up early to do my devotions; mantras and I would meditate. I even remember meditating once and I was able to levitate and when I woke up I said, “I remember how to do that!” and so I did exactly what I did in my dream. I scared my self a little bit doing so, but hey, it happens.

Some of you are probably going to say that I was just around some Hindus and I picked up on a few things and I let my imagination run wild. Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I grew up in a VERY white bread community and didn’t know anything about that stuff at all. I wasn’t ever exposed to it. I just gravitated towards it as I got older and that is when I started putting pieces together. For awhile, I thought they were just dreams, till people started meeting me and telling me about said dreams that I NEVER told anyone about. “Oh, you were my guru in a past life.” “Do you remember levitating? You were an Ascended Master.” “Oh my God I found you again!” At first I was like O_o and asked, “How the hell do you know this shit?” but then I sat with it and continued to put pieces together. I figured with all the people telling me these things then I should PROBABLY look into it.

Last Summer, I had an experience where it all came full circle. I was with my best friend and my boyfriend at the time. We were doing a spiritual cleansing because I felt like I had some sort of attachment to me that was extremely old and really needed to go. My body was in dire pain, everything literally ached to my very core; even my hair hurt. I was trying to breathe through it, but whatever it was, it would not let go. I felt helpless, then all of a sudden I hear this voice boom into me and say, “Do these asanas.” And so I got up with no warning and started doing a series of yoga I had never done before. I heard mantras being sung in my head and all I did was breath deeply and continue until I heard the voice say, “That is enough for now.” The entire time, my body had this wave of warmth run through it and i felt like things were being rearranged. Once I stopped, I sat there in silence and just breathed. after about 10 mins or so, I opened my eyes and both of them looked a bit befuddled.

The next thing I heard was the word Kullu and I went, “hmmm…that sounds familiar. I wonder why?” so I did a search on my phone and BAM! It is a place in India and you know what else? There are devotees to Lord Narasimha there AND it lines up with all of my dreams, previous experiences and what just happened. So basically, I was like…”Oh my God, it all makes sense!!!” Since that point, I have had a lot more experiences and being able to remember things from that life time. I have come to the conclusion that who was talking to me was Narasimha and he stayed with me for about a week after and then just faded out.

So, why am I bring this up now? Well, like I said, cleanses make you reflect on things and I feel I needed to reflect and share this with all of you. I also have been doing comparisons between The Tibetan Book of the Dead and The Bhagavad Gita to help get me through some of these “emotional hangups” I have been having. I am trying to get myself out of this thought tunnel I have been stuck in for quite a bit. I know it is going to take time and lots of effort to do so, but I am fairly confidant I will be ok. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and anything really is possible. I hope you all enjoy and Namaste!

Breath

breath_cold

“Breath is the bridge which connects life to consciousness, which unites your body to your thoughts.”–Thich Nhat Hanh

I have been doing a lot of thinking, and usually when I do a lot of thinking I don’t get a lot of sleep because I have to get my mind out on paper. This is one reason why I wrote this. It basically sets a stage of where I am at the moment of life. I have all these thoughts swirling about my head and I am not sure what to do with them, except get them down in some sort of writing. I am sure this is because of all the releasing I have been doing lately, so at least I have become productive. I hope you all enjoy and Namaste!

Breath

by: Michelle Curry

Living, dying, inhale, exhale, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth making a “haaaa” sound. Bring all of your energy upwards into your body from the roots, your feet, planted firmly into the ground. And with each breath taken in, let the negativity in your heart dispel outwards. This is the concept of death. Let the old die and the new be reborn. Each breath is intention, each exhale is letting go. We have no control over this; it is a natural part of us. Without breath, we do not live, as without the sun, we do not flourish. Holding onto our negativity, no matter how real it seems, is cheating death and only beckons it closer. For the only thing that is dying is the ego, our souls live on. Constantly dancing in the love and light, enlightenment, oneness, peace; this is waking up. We are waking up from the coma we have put ourselves into willingly. We breathe in new life and exhale all the things that we “thought” were important. It is just a mask that our ego hides behind, trying to grab us and eat us alive, like Coronus eating his children. But with each breath comes awareness and with each exhale comes release. It is but a moment in time, much like a breath only lasts as long as a few seconds, fleeting at best. Breathe in through your heart and breathe out though your feet, let in love and let out false truths. Breath in life, breathe out death, inhale, exhale.

Judgement

The_Last_Judgement__Jean_Cousin_

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest
not the beam that is in thine own eye? Matthew 7:3

I am not one to quote the bible, unless someone tries to argue with me from that vantage point. However, there are a few verses that have stuck with me through these years that I am quite fond of. The thing is, as human being we LOVE to judge others for their faults and issues. It makes us feel better about ourselves. The problem with this is we more often than not have our own issues and are in no place to put blame or judgment on others. It’s the whole projection of how we feel about ourselves onto others. It is my biggest pet peeve…EVER!!!

So, why am I bringing this up? I have been facing this quite a bit when I decided I was going to go on to some spiritual forums to get advice on different subject. I know I do not know everything and that is why I am asking questions; to get other peoples view points. The biggest issue with this? When someone starts acting “holier than though” or “more enlightened” than I am, my bullshit meter is just GONE. Absolutely gone and I have no tolerance for that. The reason for that is because those are usually the people that are the most closed off and end up leading “the sheep” with manipulation and being able to pull the fleece over their eyes. They are the ones who turn people away from finding out answers and make people say, “This is bullshit.”

So yes, my journey to find answers has just led to finding more people that are full of crap and I can see through their walls and I intimidate the crap out of them. It is a bit annoying and I know they are everywhere, but I just have no patience for it. I am just hoping that one day people will realize that they need to work through their own bullshit before pointing it out to others. End Rant.

Cleansing

PranaCleanse.meditation

“So long as we have failed to eliminate any of the causes of human despair, we do not have the right to try to eliminate those means by which man tries to cleanse himself of despair.”–Antonin Artaud

So every spring, I tend to do a cleanse. With Seasonal changes, our bodies change and must adapt to the new things around it. That is why it is important to eat with the seasons, and take time to listen to our bodies instead of forcing it to be a certain way. It always is telling us something; physically, emotionally and spiritually. So, what better way to kick off Spring than to pump it full of nutrients from fruits and veggies? No to mention ramping up my yoga routine and spending more time outside. With warm weather comes bike rides, picnics and being one with nature. Who doesn’t love that?

So, that is the reason for not posting yesterday. I had to take a bit to regroup and let go of some stuff. Plus, being super grumpy and detoxing is no fun. Just trying to get through a yoga routine without crying was hard enough, plus headaches and body aches…it was a nightmare. But, with lots of sleep and sticking to things, I was able to get through it and I am a lot better now. 🙂 I’ll be doing this for a few weeks. No gluten. no sugar unless from agave, maple or stevia. Staying the heck away from corn if I can at all help it. Bye bye junk food… I will make my own. (poor Oreos…)

So, what’s on todays menu? Lot’s of herbal and green tea, fresh made juice, and stir fried veggies. Oh, and a handful of nuts and seeds for snack. I might take a crack at making veggie chips this weekend for an extra treat. That will be interesting since I will have hit the one month marker with Bryce on Saturday. I shall post a few recipes of the things I make and let you all know how they turn out. Now, off to go and do yoga at the park! Namaste!