“Falling in love should be like Polaroids. Instant.” –Unknown
Within the past month, I have had a whirlwind of excitement and wonder as far as my love life goes. With any new relationship, you tend to have the puppy love stage where everything seems to be perfect and nothing can seem to go wrong. The problem is, most people let that wear off and forget to see their special someone in that light again. They become comfortable and let things slip and just “put up” with them. I refuse to be like this!
I will not let myself fall into the trap of letting someone I am with become just another person that puts up with me and let that give me an excuse to let myself go in all the wrong ways. I have been in too many relationships where this has happened, and the excuses for doing so have led to fights, heart break, tears and ass like behavior on both ends. We are but human, and sometimes we do stupid stuff, but the worst you can do is treat the person who has your heart like they aren’t special and just do whatever your ego is telling you to do.
And by ego, I mean the little gremlin inside your head that says you need X,Y, and Z to make you happy and makes you act like a down right jerk that thinks he/she is better than everyone else. Its what makes us attached so much to our image, what makes us feel jealous and insecure without material possessions and desires , and what drives most of Western culture to be like it is. When I meditate, this little guy starts screaming at me loud and clear with a megaphone trying to get me to pay attention to it. “You need to loose weight! You need to get a boob job! You need to buy this purse! You need to get a vintage Jag! NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED!!!!!” Well, most of those things aren’t needs, they are just things. Things that have been drilled into our heads to make us feel like we are not enough as we are.
We are enough though, right now we are indeed enough. The reason someone falls in love with you is not for all the fancy things you have, your job, your money or what car you drive or even the clothes you wear. They fall in love with you and who you are inside on both good and bad days. It’s all the imperfections that make you who you are and what makes you special. We tend to forget that, we think that someone is perfect and once they show us they are but only human, it automatically makes us feel betrayed and wonder what they think of us. And that is where the ego starts yapping away, making us feel like we are less than we are. “He will love you more if you dress this way. You should try and make your lips look bigger. If you died your hair then he would notice you more. Maybe if you start liking all the things he likes and doing all the things he does and give up all your hopes and dreams then hell pay attention.” And then we listen, and then feel resentful for it and blame our love for it…and thus the vicious cycle starts.
However, if we come into a relationship with mindfulness, not just of ourselves and our limits, but of the other persons as well then we are able to grow in love. Honesty is the best policy; trying to be your best self is great if you are doing it for yourself and the other person encourages you to do so. They are there to accept you as you are and give you the support you need to be able to grow. That is how love works. Now, as you can see, my blog post is entitled keys. Keys, in this sense, can be tools we use to ground ourselves and remind us not to get all up in our head so we can make sure we put our all into any relationship. This can be romantic, work related or really anything we need to put our mind to. We just have to remember we are enough.
It can also be taken literately. When I said my love life has been a whirlwind, this is one of the things I was talking about. I ended up writing a poem yesterday, in all of my twitterpation about it. I hope you all enjoy and Namaste.
by: Michelle Curry
Jingle, Jingle, Jingle… the sound of keys ring as I drive home as they beat against the ignition. It reminds me of the melody that is your voice, playing over and over in my head much like a well loved record that is stuck on repeat. “Go make yourself a key.” I contemplated this while making breakfast and waiting for you to come back from work for a few minutes to discuss details. I have never had many keys in my life, not even ones to my own home.
It felt…new and precious, even if it was but only a small gesture of kindness and vulnerability. You have let me not only occupy the space your heart, but also your space in your home… I have given many a boy a chance to show they have the key to my heart, and all have failed till now. You rush in and make quick work of chores, making sure you have enough time to lay with me before you run back to the office. “You are amazing and I love you. You have all of me…” Thinking of those words just reminds me of your eyes, soft and blue…full of hope and trust. They are the gateway to the soul, after all…
Many a kiss and hug were given before you dashed off again. I had my assignment, you sent me on a mission to find a hardware store on Franklin Street. Of course, being from Winston-Salem, I don’t know where anything is and GPS helps but only so much. I park in a free spot and trek up and down…pondering about shop whereabouts and who’s keys fit where. All the boys who had tried before had keys for different things. Some where too big, some where too fancy, some were too small, and some were very rusty. They all seemed ill fitting to my heart and were better suited for other things. Like garages, old cars and even basements. Some of them were for cages, making me feel trapped, and all the gold plating on the bars and frivolous gifts that were only given if something was wrong were just to hide the fact I was more like property than anything else.
Only but a prize or a trophy that had been seemingly “won”, I was not… and like a bird, I flew at the best chance I got to escape, and I hid my tracks hoping to not be found again. You found me though, hiding in the bramble all shook up and teary eyed, trying to nurse old wounds so I wouldn’t feel so weak and failing miserably at it. All you did was hold me, no cage to bind me or chains to hold me there, I wanted to stay because that was enough. And kind words, like mantras heal my soul, as they pour out your mouth like waterfalls. “I love you…go make yourself a key.”
I got lost for a bit during my quest, asking a police officer for directions I finally started going the right way. Apparently the store was on the other end. On my way back I got many a cat call… random college students trying to impress there friends in how “bold” they were. Puffing out there chest making a show and honking horns as I walk by. A few random hobos who looked like they were stuck in the 70’s and drunk then decided to have a go and see if I would pay them attention. No avail, but it freaked me out quite a bit. Then an older man decided to be a flirt as I walked to my car to go park elsewhere; I was beginning to wonder if they were sent here to deter me from my quest…
I park in a spot someone still had time left on and then I found the place. Brown’s Paint and Hardware, and behind the old wooden door sat a little old man with a very sweet (yet flirtatious) demeanor. “Well hello there young lady, how may I help you?” “I need to make a copy of this key, please.” “Ok, that will be no trouble. How many copies?” “Oh, just one, please, sir.” He winked at me and went behind his desk, whistling an old tune that seemed familiar but couldn’t be placed, I hear scraping of metal behind the wall and I craned my neck to see what was happening. It was all over in a matter of 15 seconds and he walks back with the bright new shiny key. “Here you go, young lady. That was mighty nice of you to stop in here to have this made.” “Well my boyfriend told me to come here so I figured it was a good place to stop.” He smiled as I handed him the money. “Come back anytime you’d like and have a great day!”
As I walked out the door I couldn’t believe that I now had my own key, one that finally fit. It was just the right size, gold and shiny and fit nicely on my key ring. Now they jingle when I walk instead of just making a muffled clank. And even though it isn’t much, it means all the world to me. I will keep it forever and I will never let go. Jingle, Jingle, Jingle, a melody that floats about my ears, singing a song though my atmosphere. This is where our souls meet body, like 2 puzzle pieces we fit, and you have the key to my heart and then some.