And Good Friday to You…

“He drained the cup of God’s wrath bone dry, leaving not a drop for us to drink.” –Richard Allen Bodey

It is, indeed, Good Friday amongst the Christian community. The time of year where you trek to Church to remember Jesus dieing for our sins on the cross and how he rose from the tomb to show that he was indeed The Son of God. Then afterwards you you gather with family over dinner in celebration. However, this was not the original purpose of Easter.

All those eggs in cool colors, the flowers, and the Easter Bunny were not Christian ideas. Blasphemy you say? Oh no, it’s quite true. They have nothing to do with Jesus rising from the tomb, being put on the cross or even breaking bread and taking in the body of Christ. Easter, is indeed at its roots, a pagan holiday. And all the things we have had become synonymous with Easter really all has to do with Spring and Fertility.

In early times, Christians celebrated with the pagans and just took their own spin on it. As Christianity gained popularity, some of the things just stuck because people refused to give up tradition. Like Hot Cross Buns, egg bread, and exchanging colored eggs as gifts. In origin they represented The Goddess (which one depending on where you lived) and the “sun” being resurrected into the sky so that we could grow crops and be prosperous. That is one reason why I don’t really have a problem with Christians and celebrating Easter like they do. It still works out on both ends and it shows how cultures can coexist amongst one another.

It just scares people because they were never taught this growing up as a child and I guess people get embarrassed. That is why you have a lot of people trying to deny it and be extremely ignorant about the whole thing and then take all the fun stuff out of the holiday. That seems like no fun to me at all and just breeds more ignorance amongst others. So, where does the mindfulness come into all of this? EASY!!! Go celebrate and be tolerant of others and their traditions! It is good to know the history and traditions of different cultures when it comes to holidays, but sticking it in other peoples faces and saying, “I am better than you because of [insert bigoted statement here]” is not necessary. This is a time of happiness, gratitude and a good excuse to eat some awesome food! It is a “moveable feast” after all.

So when you are meditating, praying or whatnot; just take a few moments to express gratitude, joy, and love towards yourself and others. Go sit outside in the warm sun with friends and take pleasure in knowing that we are all different and unique and that is perfectly awesome. It keeps things interesting. Now, go pick some flowers, bake an awesome cake, and celebrate with family and friends over the weekend. Don’t get too stuffed on peeps though. Namaste!

Keys

“Falling in love should be like Polaroids. Instant.” –Unknown

Within the past month, I have had a whirlwind of excitement and wonder as far as my love life goes. With any new relationship, you tend to have the puppy love stage where everything seems to be perfect and nothing can seem to go wrong. The problem is, most people let that wear off and forget to see their special someone in that light again. They become comfortable and let things slip and just “put up” with them. I refuse to be like this!

I will not let myself fall into the trap of letting someone I am with become just another person that puts up with me and let that give me an excuse to let myself go in all the wrong ways. I have been in too many relationships where this has happened, and the excuses for doing so have led to fights, heart break, tears and ass like behavior on both ends. We are but human, and sometimes we do stupid stuff, but the worst you can do is treat the person who has your heart like they aren’t special and just do whatever your ego is telling you to do.

And by ego, I mean the little gremlin inside your head that says you need X,Y, and Z to make you happy and makes you act like a down right jerk that thinks he/she is better than everyone else. Its what makes us attached so much to our image, what makes us feel jealous and insecure without material possessions and desires , and what drives most of Western culture to be like it is. When I meditate, this little guy starts screaming at me loud and clear with a megaphone trying to get me to pay attention to it. “You need to loose weight! You need to get a boob job! You need to buy this purse! You need to get a vintage Jag! NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED!!!!!” Well, most of those things aren’t needs, they are just things. Things that have been drilled into our heads to make us feel like we are not enough as we are.

We are enough though, right now we are indeed enough. The reason someone falls in love with you is not for all the fancy things you have, your job, your money or what car you drive or even the clothes you wear. They fall in love with you and who you are inside on both good and bad days. It’s all the imperfections that make you who you are and what makes you special. We tend to forget that, we think that someone is perfect and once they show us they are but only human, it automatically makes us feel betrayed and wonder what they think of us. And that is where the ego starts yapping away, making us feel like we are less than we are. “He will love you more if you dress this way. You should try and make your lips look bigger. If you died your hair then he would notice you more. Maybe if you start liking all the things he likes and doing all the things he does and give up all your hopes and dreams then hell pay attention.” And then we listen, and then feel resentful for it and blame our love for it…and thus the vicious cycle starts.

However, if we come into a relationship with mindfulness, not just of ourselves and our limits, but of the other persons as well then we are able to grow in love. Honesty is the best policy; trying to be your best self is great if you are doing it for yourself and the other person encourages you to do so. They are there to accept you as you are and give you the support you need to be able to grow. That is how love works. Now, as you can see, my blog post is entitled keys. Keys, in this sense, can be tools we use to ground ourselves and remind us not to get all up in our head so we can make sure we put our all into any relationship. This can be romantic, work related or really anything we need to put our mind to. We just have to remember we are enough.

It can also be taken literately. When I said my love life has been a whirlwind, this is one of the things I was talking about. I ended up writing a poem yesterday, in all of my twitterpation about it. I hope you all enjoy and Namaste.

Keys

by: Michelle Curry

Jingle, Jingle, Jingle… the sound of keys ring as I drive home as they beat against the ignition. It reminds me of the melody that is your voice, playing over and over in my head much like a well loved record that is stuck on repeat. “Go make yourself a key.” I contemplated this while making breakfast and waiting for you to come back from work for a few minutes to discuss details. I have never had many keys in my life, not even ones to my own home.

It felt…new and precious, even if it was but only a small gesture of kindness and vulnerability. You have let me not only occupy the space your heart, but also your space in your home… I have given many a boy a chance to show they have the key to my heart, and all have failed till now. You rush in and make quick work of chores, making sure you have enough time to lay with me before you run back to the office. “You are amazing and I love you. You have all of me…” Thinking of those words just reminds me of your eyes, soft and blue…full of hope and trust. They are the gateway to the soul, after all…

Many a kiss and hug were given before you dashed off again. I had my assignment, you sent me on a mission to find a hardware store on Franklin Street. Of course, being from Winston-Salem, I don’t know where anything is and GPS helps but only so much. I park in a free spot and trek up and down…pondering about shop whereabouts and who’s keys fit where. All the boys who had tried before had keys for different things. Some where too big, some where too fancy, some were too small, and some were very rusty. They all seemed ill fitting to my heart and were better suited for other things. Like garages, old cars and even basements. Some of them were for cages, making me feel trapped, and all the gold plating on the bars and frivolous gifts that were only given if something was wrong were just to hide the fact I was more like property than anything else.

Only but a prize or a trophy that had been seemingly “won”, I was not… and like a bird, I flew at the best chance I got to escape, and I hid my tracks hoping to not be found again. You found me though, hiding in the bramble all shook up and teary eyed, trying to nurse old wounds so I wouldn’t feel so weak and failing miserably at it. All you did was hold me, no cage to bind me or chains to hold me there, I wanted to stay because that was enough. And kind words, like mantras heal my soul, as they pour out your mouth like waterfalls. “I love you…go make yourself a key.”

I got lost for a bit during my quest, asking a police officer for directions I finally started going the right way. Apparently the store was on the other end. On my way back I got many a cat call… random college students trying to impress there friends in how “bold” they were. Puffing out there chest making a show and honking horns as I walk by. A few random hobos who looked like they were stuck in the 70’s and drunk then decided to have a go and see if I would pay them attention. No avail, but it freaked me out quite a bit. Then an older man decided to be a flirt as I walked to my car to go park elsewhere; I was beginning to wonder if they were sent here to deter me from my quest…

I park in a spot someone still had time left on and then I found the place. Brown’s Paint and Hardware, and behind the old wooden door sat a little old man with a very sweet (yet flirtatious) demeanor. “Well hello there young lady, how may I help you?” “I need to make a copy of this key, please.” “Ok, that will be no trouble. How many copies?” “Oh, just one, please, sir.” He winked at me and went behind his desk, whistling an old tune that seemed familiar but couldn’t be placed, I hear scraping of metal behind the wall and I craned my neck to see what was happening. It was all over in a matter of 15 seconds and he walks back with the bright new shiny key. “Here you go, young lady. That was mighty nice of you to stop in here to have this made.” “Well my boyfriend told me to come here so I figured it was a good place to stop.” He smiled as I handed him the money. “Come back anytime you’d like and have a great day!”

As I walked out the door I couldn’t believe that I now had my own key, one that finally fit. It was just the right size, gold and shiny and fit nicely on my key ring. Now they jingle when I walk instead of just making a muffled clank. And even though it isn’t much, it means all the world to me. I will keep it forever and I will never let go. Jingle, Jingle, Jingle, a melody that floats about my ears, singing a song though my atmosphere. This is where our souls meet body, like 2 puzzle pieces we fit, and you have the key to my heart and then some.

Where to Eat in Winston-Salem (Camino Bakery)

“You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy cupcakes and that is kinda the same thing.” -Unknown

If you are looking for a good cup of coffee and awesome baked goods in Winston-Salem, then you should check out Camino. It is located on Fourth Street right near the intersection of 4th and Cherry Street, right in the heart of Down Town. This is one of my absolute favorite spots to go and hang out. I come here quite often and the staff  have a habit of remembering locals, which is very nice. The staff is very friendly and upbeat and absolute geniuses when it comes to coffee creations. They always are changing up the menu with the seasons AND they can make just about any drink vegan.

The other big plus is not only do they use local ingredients for all of their drinks and baked goods, they have both soy and almond milk. I am a big fan of almond milk and you can’t get almond milk in most places in Winston. Not exactly sure why, since it is about the same price as soy milk… Most of the baked goods (sadly) are not vegan. They do have Vegan Cupcake Mondays and make enough for the next day or so (depending on how fast they are bought) which is really nice. They also sell sandwiches for lunch, which are made in house, and they do occasionally have vegan ones depending on the day. They are looking to expand their menu so I am very hopeful and can’t wait to see what they come up with.

The other awesome thing is they stay open the latest out of all the coffee places in Winston. Monday through Thursday they are open from 7AM to 11PM, Friday and Saturday from 7AM to Midnight and then Sunday from 8AM to 8PM. They have an excellent beer and wine menu with different specials throughout the week. Plus they do occasionally have wine tasting and block parties during the summer. So, if you are looking for a chill spot with awesome service, this is your place. It is very popular among the college students and townies alike, so stop on by the next time you are in town. Hope you all enjoy and Namaste!

The “Art” of being Vunerable

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I will admit it, the past few days I have been living in my head and letting my fears get the best of me. It might have something to do with my cycle coming up soon, but still…it has not been great. Thank God I have people in my life who actually understand this and aren’t going to run away from me because of it. I am human, I am imperfect, but life is constant practice. We just have to keep telling ourselves that.

And because I have been up in my head, I had a bit of a break down. Simple words making phrases that were intended with love and kindness turned into haunting demons from days of yore that I did not DARE speak of. It made me mull over it the entire day…to the point where I could not even paint. I felt crushed, like I was bleeding from the inside out and it came out as anger, pain and tears. I haven’t felt like that in a pretty good while. And I let it all out over FaceTime with my man.

See, being an artist is hard because you put your soul and heart into everything that you do. It is not just a painting, a sculpture, a dance, a song, a poem, or a photo. It is a glimpse of ones soul through the lens of that individual.  It has emotions, feelings, and memories tied to it. Everyone sees things differently in our world and because of that everyone feels they are entitled to be a critique. People that are not comfortable in their own skin tend to be the first to say, “That is wrong, fix this, I hate this, I can do better than that, I don’t understand this, that is not art.” and so on and so forth.

When we come from a place of love and understanding, then the critique is softened and said when it is ready to be heard. Sometimes though, it can still be misconstrued and that isn’t anyone’s fault.  That is just because the other person is too guarded, in which in this case I was for several reasons. Art, for me, is therapy. Most of the time is there was something going on that I didn’t know how to deal with, then I would delve into my artwork. I have ALWAYS done that. I have a hard time communicating my feelings through words sometimes and the only way it can come out is if I draw, paint or some how put it on some sort of paper or surface that is tangible to my hands.  It is raw, it is very personal, and close to me.

In the past, people didn’t understand this. I was the weird art kid that always had a sketch book and would hide behind novels and note pads. It was my wall so no one could come in, even though I really wanted them to. I wanted to show them who I really was, but when I did I just was shoved off and told, “[insert persons name here] is better than you.” Or I would make a doodle for someone I really cared about and then find it in the trash. “Oh, it’s only a drawing. It doesn’t mean anything. You make these all the time so you shouldn’t be upset.” Even in my serious relationships I had, I didn’t feel like my art mattered anymore so I stopped creating things. I thought, “oh, they don’t care…what is the point of this?”

That was the depression speaking, but now that I have started creating again those little voices still pop up now and again. They are all in my head though… Sometimes it takes a lot to quiet the noise and turn up the sound. I have a lot to learn, one of them being able to separate myself from a piece. It is like a little piece of you that is no longer a part of you. Kind of like a memory…it changes with each and every time you remember it. It will come in time, but it will be slow. I am still very raw in this state with rediscovering that part of myself. I will get there one day though and when I do, I am not going to turn back. Namaste.

The Thaw

by: Michelle Curry

And as the Winter leads into Spring, where the flowers blossom and the trees breath in new life from the sun, I too shall thaw. And just like the temperatures and winds that are unpredictable, my soul shall be as well, for I will have a blistering cold winds accompanied by calm warm breezes. May my crown of branches and thorns make way for flowers and vines and deadened leaves become soft moss in which I am cloaked. Have the frost turn into morning dew that gathers and waters my heart and spirit. Bright Yellow and Cobalt Blue like the Iris are my colors and i shall wear them like war paint. And with each step I take, may the ground soften and ease into new life. The Holly King has gone and Jack of the Wood has come to play and I too have awoken from my slumber…and just like the song birds, I won’t be quiet anymore.

 

If Goddesses Wore Flannel

If  the Sun and Moon should ever doubt, they’d immediately go out.–William  Blake

Here is a poem that I wrote last night while at writing club. I tapped into some of my “witchy nature” and I really enjoy it. It is quite a bit different from my other pieces. Namaste!

If Goddesses Wore Flannel

By: Michelle Curry

Shedding skin like memories of past lovers, I breath you in deeply

Lungs full of smoke, smelling of cedar and pine, you understand

You found me, my centaur and so we dance…

Dance by the willow in which you found me, by the river in which I keep

Moon lit skin cloaked in flannel, the red contrasting with my raven hair

Crown me with branches resembling those of our horned god, he is watching

He knows of our dancing, how you whisper sweet nothings in my ear

and the giggles that turn into babbling brooks and fireflies.

He watches as the reeds sing the melody and the crickets and frogs create the rhythm,

much like the drums of the human tribes.

Cover my face in Indigo with markings taught to you by the fairy folk.

Hands touch and hearts become one, you remember and you know,

I am your goddess and your love is what makes me glow.

Come with me my love and let us run away in the moonlight,

run to the in between and let us stay there forever more.

I think tis is going to save my mornings. Check it out!

Falling into Place

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.  –A. A. Milne

Ask and you shall receive, that is how the universe works. Well I asked a long time ago and I finally received because I was ready for it. Remember that post where I talked about hating being single? It was called Owner of a Lonely Heart. That was in January and boy, have I grown a lot since then. It has been 2 months since that post and within 2 months I have had some major upheaval and detoxing. Not just physically, but spiritually, emotionally and mentally.

Growth is what you make of it; it can be easy or you can take it kicking and screaming. I did a little bit of both, plus some tears. It has been really hard being able to just let go and have the universe guide me though all of this…but it happened. All the strange dreams, energetic shifts and even that horrible night where  felt like I was going to die while at a party amounted to something. It opened me up so that I may create space for love and create new patterns. It allowed me to be vulnerable enough so that I can and would take chances.

“So I am practicing self love by allowing myself to be Okay with singleness… I know it won’t be forever, but for now I have to be okay with me. And when I am ready, things will fall into place and go as they may. Enough is enough of patterns. Its time to make new ones that are good for me and not self deprecating.”

That, right there, was my intention and you know what happened? Prince Charming came a trotting on his white horse. You know how they say you just “know” when you meet the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with? I was a bit of a nonbeliever in “love at first site”, a cynic even! I thought all relationships are hard work and they don’t just fall in your lap. Well the universe proved me wrong on that one.

So, what happened was I was suppose to have a date on a Monday with someone out of town, but they ended up canceling on me because “they had been driving all weekend and they were tired” which really meant “I found someone I really connect with on my ski trip and I don’t want to hurt your feelings.” Needless to say, I was a bit sad and so I sat with it for a little while. Then I got the urge to go to OkCupid and look and I did. Low and behold, I noticed someone had looked at my page and I was like “oh I hope he messages me…but maybe I should send him one first so he knows I am interested.” He beat me to it and from that point it just kinda snowballed into awesome happiness.

We messaged back and forth, then had an amazing phone conversation that night that last for 4 hours…yes, 4 hours. I have not talked on the phone that long since like high school. we decided to have a date on Thursday and when we met in person…well fireworks happened. I have to say, I have never been this happy and so relieved all at the same time. Things just fit and are falling into place naturally. I can finally be myself and not walk on eggshells anymore. I have room to let go and just be as I am with someone and that is enough. I am looking forward to seeing where this leads to and see how we both grow with all of this. So, next time you feel like you aren’t getting anywhere in life, ask and you shall receive. Namaste!

Turn Up The Sound

Open the dark side of me
Find where your faith needs to be
Help me gain  focus on you
Partly I know what to do
-Andain

For most of us seasoned meditators we are all aware of the little voices that pop up in our head. All the drifting thoughts that bring us in and out of consciousness, altering our reality, mulling over what could have been and what might be…all voices that need to be quieted because in the end, wondering what might have been if we said yes to going on that date or how we are going to make time to finish that “to do” list does not really matter. It is all hubbub and meaningless chatter within our minds that we constantly tune in and out of during our everyday life. It can be overwhelming at first, but within time we quite the voices and turn up the inner sound of our souls.

The peace that is within us all is amazing and beautiful. Each of our inner songs are unique, just like us…it’s just is a journey to finally get to that point. That is where most new meditators get stuck. “I thought this inner peace stuff was just going to happen? Why can I not stop thinking? Am I not doing this right?” Practice makes perfect they say, but not knowing where to start or how to quiet the mind and “turn up the sound” can make things daunting. This is why I usually recommend people try meditating to music. Listening to other sounds quite our voices and gives us a moment of peace and clarity. Then once we get into our “zone”, then we are able to step away from the outer sounds and listen within. I hope you all enjoy and Namaste!

Where to Eat in Chapel Hill (411 West)

“Non tutte le ciambelle riescono col buco. (translation) Not all donuts come with a hole.” –Italian Saying

Looking for some yummy Italian food while on Franklin Street? 411 West is probably your best bet if you are looking for atmosphere and great service. We ended up stumbling upon this lovely gem because Butternut Squash (vegetarian) and Lime and Basil (Vietnamese) were both closed. The odds of both of those places not being open made me a bit upset, however I am not complaining in the least bit. I normally don’t eat Italian food because I have been a bit spoiled with having friends that are from Napoli, Italy and them knowing how to make authentic food from scratch. I am sorry, but Olive Garden just doesn’t cut it.

I will say, this place did make quite an impression on me. First off, the decor and the indoor patio/garden room are amazing, not to mention romantic. I really enjoyed the lighting because it was quite a warm day so it ALMOST felt like we were eating outside, but without all the bugs and pollen. They brought us out bread and butter (in which I did not partake in the butter) and I had awesome sparkling water with lime while Bryce had the in house made citriusaid, which was quite tasty! They had a fantastic wine list as well and we both had a glass of the Malbec which had been recently added. I really liked the fact that they gave details about each of the wines on the list so you could get a feel for what you’re getting before you order it.

I started off with a wood-grilled pear salad. Can you say amazing? Local mixed greens with grilled pears, walnuts and in house made balsamic dressing. It was suppose to come with gorgonzola but I opted out of having cheese (of course). It was probably the best damn salad I have had in a good while. For my entree I had the roasted wild mushrooms over a polenta cake with hazelnut-butter and rosemary. Yes, it was vegan and yes, it was fricken tasty! The meatiness of the mushrooms was so rich and it melded to well with the creaminess of the polenta. I need to learn how to make that…it was that good. I didn’t get to taste Bryce’s dish because it wasn’t vegan, but from what I could tell it was a small version of a handmade personal pizza with a flaky crust. It looked quite yummy.

I did cheat a bit and had dessert which wasn’t vegan, but we ordered the dessert sampler so I only had a bite or 2 of each thing. I didn’t get sick either afterwards probably for that very reason. I think they didn’t have that much dairy in them to begin with…but no dairy for awhile. It included the key lime pie, millionaire’s pie, chocolate gelato, and creme brulee. They were all decent, but I am still fond of vegan desserts more so. They did have sherbet though so I will be having that next time to satisfy my sweet tooth. In short though, if you want a restaurantthat appeases both carnivores and herbivores alike, this is a safe bet.

We went during lunch, but from what I have gathered the place is popping at night and is a great place to go for Sunday brunch. So next time you get a pasta craving, go here. I hope you all enjoy and Namaste! (more pics of the food below)

Thoughts on food (monthly update)

“Bad men live that they may eat and drink, whereas good men eat and drink that they may live.”–Socrates

So it’s been a good minute since I have done an update on how my vegan diet is going. For the most part, I have been pretty good about staying vegan, but I have had times where I had no other option but to eat vegetarian. I have avoided dairy at all cost though which has been the most challenging, especially when you live in a family that really doesn’t understand why you are vegan.  Being taunted about your diet choices plus having a limited amount of food that you can eat at home tends to make things difficult when trying to prepare food. hopefully that will be changing soon once I am back in the routine of making enough money to buy my own groceries.

I have hit a bit of a plateau as far as loosing weight. I have been hovering around 125 lbs for the past 2 weeks or so and I am thinking it has to do with not being able to eat all the things I normally would on a regular basis. Having to rely on carbs is not a good thing so I am thinking of giving up bread all together for a good bit to see if that helps. Yay not having gluten! On a brighter note, I have seen major improvements in my skin. No breakouts for a few weeks, my PMS is not nearly as bad and my hair even seems healthier.

I am also going to be amping up my meditation and yoga routines to combat the lack of healthy vegan options right now. I think an hour a day of yoga and 30 minutes of meditation will help me out greatly. That will be starting this weekend, plus a mini juice fast to boost my metabolism starting on Monday.

In other news, I am quite pleased to say that my new man (Bryce) is very interested in my vegan lifestyle and is wanting me to cook some things for him this weekend while I am in Chapel Hill with him. Can you say awesome?!?!?! I am so happy that I can share that with someone that I really care about. Most men I have dated previously have been outright carnivores; tolerant ones, but still carnivores none the less. His interests aren’t just for physical health, but more on the spiritual side of things. Eating a vegetarian/vegan tends to open people up spiritually, which in my opinion is a fantastic thing. Ill be posting a few of the recipes that I will be making with him this weekend (plus pictures) so stay tuned! Hope you all enjoy and Namaste!